my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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