I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
