Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
