Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
