we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
