She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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