I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
