if you like me you must not know who I am
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Randomize
