Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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