toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
This is not my ceiling
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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