she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
