Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Two words: blizzard sex
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
