so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
