Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
