you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
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