I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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