Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
