It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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