Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
