First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
