kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
