ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
