you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
