I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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