yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
