That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
