I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
areolas are like halos for boobs.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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