I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
