it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
