PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
