I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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