You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
