you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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