We're facebook friends in real life
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I lost the right to judge tonight
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
