After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Sorry my hands just texted you
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
