did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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