Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
