when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
