Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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