I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
