ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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