genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I could make wine with my vomit
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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