talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
