and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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