This dress was meant to end up on your floor
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
