fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
