What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
