Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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