DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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