he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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