how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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