Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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