So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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