Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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