She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
